How to Overcome a Bad First Impression
Have any of these situations happened to you? Forgetting your client's name, unintentionally insulting a co-worker, spilling coffee on your boss, not recognizing an old friend, drinking too much at the company party, sending a racy e-mail to the wrong person, or asking a woman's due date when she's not pregnant - ouch! You never have a second chance to make a first impression, so what happens when that first impression is a negative one?
In a perfect world none of these things would occur, but the truth is, we all make mistakes. Effective communicators are not only aware of how their actions impact others; they also know how to respond in uncomfortable situations. If handled properly, flubs can actually serve to strengthen your image and help you gain respect. If you've committed a social faux pas here is how you can recover.
Apologize Immediately. Time is of the essence when it comes to image damage control. As soon as you realize that you may have offended someone, address it. The more time that passes, the more the story can become blown out of proportion. While first impressions stick, so do last impressions. Take control of the situation by making your last impression a positive, sincere apology.
Avoid Over-Apologizing. Saying you're sorry is important, but overdoing it can create another uncomfortable situation. First, your goal in apologizing is to acknowledge your mistake and re-position yourself as being responsible and sensitive. If you repeatedly bring up the past, groveling and begging for forgiveness, you're defeating your purpose. Second, it puts the other person in the uncomfortable position of having to constantly reassure you. Eventually that person may choose to avoid you altogether.
Make No Assumptions. It's easy to assume that others think the worst of you, but usually what we imagine is far worse than reality. Approach your apology by owning your feelings rather than telling others how you assume they feel. This gives you a chance to test their perceptions and get a real handle on the situation. So, instead of starting out with, "You must think I'm a total idiot?" speak for yourself, "I'm uncomfortable with how I behaved yesterday because I realized I might have offended you. Did you feel the same way?" Starting out this way also prevents over-apologizing because the other person may think it was no big deal.
Be Sincere. No matter what the circumstances, a sincere apology requires three steps. First, own what happened fully without blaming it on other people or circumstances. Second, acknowledge how your actions affected the other person which means listening without defending yourself. Third, commit to what you will do differently in the future to avoid making the same mistake. Such an apology might sound like, "I want to apologize for what I said yesterday. After speaking with you, I can hear how much my comments offended you and caused embarrassment. I want you to know that in the future I will be more sensitive."
Humor Works. Depending on the situation, a little self-deprecating humor can save you. Make sure it's directed only at you and does not increase anybody else's level of discomfort. Sometimes calling it like you see it in the moment breaks the tension and provides an opening for you to recover. Be careful not to over indulge though. Too much self-deprecation can have the same effect as over-apologizing.
Monitor Future Behavior. Communication has a cumulative effect, so every impression you make builds on the previous one. Overcoming a bad impression requires that all future behavior be consistent with how you want to be perceived. It will take time and trust to change perceptions, but it can be done!
Susan Fee is a licensed counselor, communications coach, and author of Positive First Impressions: 83 Ways to Establish Confidence, Competence, and Trust. She can be reached through her Web site, http://www.susanfee.com.
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 Los Angeles Times | April job losses end state's eight months of gains Los Angeles Times Some of those who are discouraged by their job prospects have gone into business for themselves. (Francine Orr, Los Angeles Times / April 11, 2012) By Ricardo Lopez, Los Angeles Times California's labor market stumbled in April as employers in a wide ... Fla. April jobless rate drops to 8.7 percent, state loses jobs but thousands ... South Bay adds 3600 jobs, strongest employment gains for April in entire state Local jobless rate declines |
 Politico | Report: Wisconsin lost 5900 jobs in April BusinessWeek By TODD RICHMOND Wisconsin lost nearly 6000 jobs in April according to preliminary monthly data state labor officials released Thursday, putting Republican Gov. Scott Walker on the defensive as he faces a June 5 recall election. Recall Roundup: Jobs back in focus as new report shows losses Walker, Barrett continue sparring over jobs Walker and Barrett keep fighting over jobs number |
 AppAdvice | Steve Jobs TV movie to film at the original Apple garage CNET The garage where the first Apple computers were built will be used in the upcoming TV movie about Jobs. by Josh Lowensohn May 18, 2012 4:48 PM PDT Follow @Josh For those wondering how authentic the upcoming made-for-TV movie about Steve Jobs will be, ... Steve Jobs biopic to begin filming in garage where Apple was born Steve Jobs Movie Begins Filming in the Original Apple Garage 'jOBS' biopic starring Ashton Kutcher will shoot in Apple Garage and childhood ... |
Proposed arena a job killer, say Port of Seattle leaders The Seattle Times Seattle and King County leaders say the Port of Seattle can thrive next to a new NBA and NHL arena, but the Port sees potential damage to its plan to expand and add up to 100000 new jobs to the area. By Emily Heffter The sky is falling! |
Best and worst jobs for your health Fox News A healthy job is about more than just avoiding hazards, like dangerous material and machines. Employees need respect, benefits, wellness incentives, and control over their work, says L. Casey Chosewood, MD, senior medical officer for the Total Worker ... |
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 Bloomberg | Who is the real jobs killer -- Obama or Romney? Fox News When it comes to the audacity of trope, it is hard to top President Obama -- a big time jobs killer. One of the president's re-election campaign websites features a new attack ad in which a steelworker brands Mitt Romney as a person “like a vampire” ... Mitt Romney's claim that 100000 auto jobs have been lost under Obama Fact-Checking Romney's Jobs Stats The Austerity Trap and the Jobs Deficit |
Santa Cruz County adds 3500 jobs in April San Jose Mercury News By JONDI GUMZ - Santa Cruz Sentinel SANTA CRUZ - Santa Cruz County saw a spurt of growth in April, adding 3500 jobs compared to March, and unemployment fell to 12 percent from, 13.7 percent in March even as the labor force grew. |
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